Researching all things bitcoin thoroughly for the last two years has led me to come across several occurrences of articles referring to bitcoin as a “Libertarian wet-dream”. It is commonly referred to this way in several blogs, forums, computer technical websites and even some professional economic journals. The expression is now so pervasive that a Google search brings up seemingly countless instances for your linking pleasure. Perhaps it is now time for a journalistic undercover investigation to confirm the phenomenon is indeed a new epidemic. If the connection between bitcoin and wet-dreams is established we my ask ourselves – could wet-dreaming also happen with owners of litecoin or other alternative currencies? Is it safe for one to ask – “Is anyone safe”? The topic of bitcoin has been covered extensively in most other angles, but in the name of science it seems, nobody can yet answer the questions of “what happens to bitcoin when you sleep”?
Wet-dreams should be taken seriously. Treating the medical condition is not generally supported by health insurance. As such, it may be time to take matters into your own hands. The emotional scarring that can result from wet-dreams cannot be dismissed out of hand. In previous generations even castration was one remedy. If the link is made, is anybody safe going out of town to a bitcoin conference? If you’re a Libertarian and traveling with a buddy – this is no laughing matter.
Medical research:
Wikipedia defines a wet dream as a spontaneous and unintended orgasm happening while one sleeps at night . Now a wiki site has been created to provide delicate answers sought by those intending to discover the mysterious origins of wet-dreams. If one is inclined, one might even find many useful tips in overcoming the embarrassing affliction that is claimed to have happened at least one time to 80% of males. In short, researchers found likely causes involve overactive hormones and tight clothing that causes unnecessary stimulation. The website makes the point that it is nobody’s fault when it happens and provides a couple of obvious suggestions to avoid the dilemma. Some of the suggestions include sleeping on your back and avoiding spicy foods. Interesting to note, that avoidance of bitcoin – was not listed among the remedies. Other medical journals used by the professionals of the sleep study medical field also failed to distinguish links to the Libertarian political leanings over other political parties of the US.
After extensive review of the publicly available medical journals, an established link between bitcoins and wet-dreams was not discovered. In addition, there were no studies found that indicated Libertarians were more likely to experience wet dreams than other political groups. There was no mention of bitcoin in the medical journals as of yet. In an off-the-record discussion with one self-described “medical professional” who wished to remain anonymous at a Colorado “herbal medicine outlet”, advised that there could possibly be accidental induced wet-dreams in the future as an unintended side-effect with related purchase made from altcoins – such as sexcoin, or xxxcoin. Yet it appears wet-dream specialization researchers haven’t penetrated this field of study to include bitcoin yet.
Artist rendition of possible future bitcoin wet-dream study.
As bitcoins are invisible, and dreams are also non-tangible, some may wonder if it might be possible that the commentators making these statements are projecting their own repressed frustrations while dealing with the predicament perhaps still freshly on their minds. One might deduce that they themselves may suffer from the embarrassing affliction which may only seep into the conversation through Freudian suppression. Perhaps they themselves have become subject matter experts of the effects of wet-dreaming but mistakenly associate the troubling condition on their basic lack understanding of bitcoin itself. After careful review of Satoshi’s white paper – the topic of wet-dreams was not a topic under consideration. Troubling for the sufferers, WebMD does not appear to have a support group for like-minded wet-dreamers waiting to embrace them.
Libertarian link research results:
Having reached a conclusion showing no mention of bitcoin wet-dreams in the current medical journals, further research was conducted into the Libertarian political party. The party platform for the Libertarians can be found on their official website. Contrary to the opinion of some armchair Libertarian experts – they take no official stance on bitcoin. What may perhaps be even more surprising to these commentators… they take no official position on wet-dreams. They do take political donations for bitcoin, along with five different credit cards, cash, and monthly donations.
The Wikipedia entry for the Libertarian party lists various members of leadership. The current chairman “Nicholas Sarwark” has issued no opinion of bitcoin. Former Libertarian presidential candidate “Gary Johnson” admitted he knew almost nothing about bitcoin in an interview last year. In this regard, one might think the most famous Libertarian voices would be wet dreaming about bitcoin. Further research into Ron Paul’s website called “Voices of Liberty” search for bitcoin brought up a message: “Nothing Found”. However, interviews found on YouTube indicated he admitted he was still uneducated in the science behind bitcoin. Further searches on YouTube brought up surprising quantity of wet-dream material but unrelated to bitcoin and is not recommended for your independent follow-up. No links have been inserted, so those search results will not be forthcoming.
Using common scientific principles, there is also a need to establish a control-group used for a baseline for comparison. As bitcoin is used as a financial payment mechanism, to be truly forthcoming, we should also establish that it does not stand out as uniquely “dry-dreaming” as well. Therefore a comparison was undertaken into any relationship between cash and credit cards causing wet-dreams as well. On the other end of the stick, we must also measure other political parties other than Libertarians for another control-group for consideration. The research looked for a peer-reviewed study which measured the frequency of wet dreamers among various self-identifying Republican, Democrats or Independents. However, the results of this additional research also failed to prove any reliable link establishing strong bonds between the wet-dreamers and their political affiliation. Antidotal evidence for certain unnamed politicians were considered, but ultimately *Bill Clinton* rejected for lack of subpoena-able evidence. Although nowhere else covered, it might be possible to purchase Viagra with bitcoin. If taken before bedtime and without partner – unintended side effects of that lapse in judgement could, in theory, be partially associated on bitcoin for allowing such an non-invasive purchase. Unfortunately for now, the results of successfully finding wet-dreamers with known associations to bitcoins – or politics turned out to be… anticlimactic.
For the reader alarmed about the possibility of bitcoin inducing wet-dreams in themselves, the wet-dream prevention website did provide more possible useful tips. First, avoid mixing your Viagra and sleeping pills. Second, the use of a honey mixture (applied by ingesting – not as topical application). Lastly, avoid over-stimulating yourself with financial news and especially bitcoin news before bedtime. Close the websites you use to track bitcoin’s hourly price movement and try to think about something else… like baseball.
The research into the Libertarian to bitcoin to wet-dream link seems to have ended with dead ends on both sides of the equation. The comments and opinions now all appear to be nothing more than premature speculation. The story of proving bitcoins have anything to do with wet-dreams for anybody seems to end with no happy ending.
*Author’s note: This was written to be a light-hearted comedic piece on the subject; not to be taken seriously. May your sleepwear remain dry.
